So Like A Waking Dream...

Posted on Thu Mar 5th, 2026 @ 7:38pm by Lieutenant Devin Hadenbeer

2,276 words; about a 11 minute read

YEARS AGO...

Devin had no idea what she was doing here. She was on medical leave but honestly everything was in limbo. She had a new command-the Lionheart B-but other than that she felt...adrift. Stopping the Black Tide, rescuing the crew of the Recalcitrant...

The mutiny...

She had her command, but that was it for her. No more promotions. And even her new command was in jeopardy if Councilor Nome did not clear her. And he was not going to clear her, Devin thought bitterly. She was not being 'honest' with him. Not being 'honest' with herself. What was there to be honest about? She knew everything she had done. What did the man want to hear?! All he had to do was tell her and she would say it!

Devin tapped her comm badge, “Hadenbeer to Nome. I am here. Now what?”

“Have a seat,” Nome replied, “And think about Marta Wallan.”

“...I beg your pardon?”

“It is an exercise,” Nome stated, “Think about your friend and former executive officer. Sit down, relax, and direct your thoughts towards Marta.”

“You brought me to some god forsaken planet to-”

“If you want to be re-instated,” Nome stated, voice suddenly flat, “You will do as I say. Have a seat, relax, and think about Marta. Everything; her appearance, what she was to you, all the good and the bad. Do it. Now. Out.”

Devin let out a frustrated growl, then screamed in frustration. This was stupid! She was on some unknown planet and she was...Gods! She forced herself to relax through sheer force of will and with the help of her cane levered herself down onto the old log, hissing as she adjusted the damaged limb so it stuck straight out and the ankle slowly sank to the ground. Her leg hurt like hell, it always did. The latest surgery had gone well but there were several more to come. She stared out at the serene meadow and tried to find it in herself to appreciate it, to enjoy the silence, the sweet scent of grass and wildflowers. It seemed almost Earth-like. Devin sighed.

Marta would have liked this, she thought. Devin had grown accustomed to life on board a ship but Marta savored every chance she could get to go on away missions. Devin closed her eyes and sighed. She thought about Marta, when they first met on the first Lionheart. That wild night in Tokyo when they celebrated her promotion to full commander. She thought about all of those conversations, the arguments, the chaos they so often found themselves in as the Lionheart-A journeyed lost through the multiverse. She recalled the few, precious moments of laughter, recalled those deep, dark eyes, that knowing smile...

She thought of Marta that last day, the day she presented that mad plan to out-think Devin's evil counterpart, to get the ship home. Thought of the last words Marta said to her over the comm before Cour de Lion exploded.

She was not certain when she sensed the presence to her right, only that it felt...natural. Reluctantly she opened her eyes and returned to reality and turned her head, expecting to see Counsellor Nome.

Instead it was a ghost.

Commander Marta Wallan sat on the log, ankles crossed, palms on her knees as she regarded the meadow. It was her characteristic pose, the way she used to sit in the XO's chair on the bridge of the Lionheart A. Even the small contented smile was the same as she absorbed the thoughts of the crew, unconsciously searching for the darker threads and seeking out ways to address those fears and concerns. Marta loved challenges, she thrived on them. It looked exactly like her, just like she had been the day before she died on Cour de Lion, when she sacrificed herself to save the Lionheart-A.

“This world used to be a place where ships came for their crews to indulge in shore leave,” Marta stated. “There is an artificial intelligence underneath the surface, it reads your thoughts and it strives to produce your desires. There was a caretaker, an administrator, but he died and Starfleet deemed the world too dangerous for casual visitors. They send science teams to interact with the intelligence, it lets them down into the tunnels to explore the vast labyrinths and examine the machines. It is lonely, you see. It likes the company. But without a caretaker to help discern what is dangerous and what is not...”

Marta turned to Devin and her smile turned teasing, “Well, you know all about trying to teach and artificial intelligence right from wrong and how difficult that can be.”

Devin stared at Marta. Everything was exactly the same. Black hair, black eyes, that smile, her voice, it was utterly, frighteningly uncanny.

“How...” Devin began.

Marta snorted, “Work the problem.”

Work the problem. Devin recalled saying that to Marta early on when she had first become her executive officer. She grimaced but instead of getting angry she paused and thought it through.

“The intelligence read my mind and made you.”

Marta nodded, “Good. For a moment I thought you were going to assume I was a ghost and was here to haunt you like that charming story you shared with me. Would I have been the ghost of Christmas past or Jacob Shirley, shaking my chains at you?”

“Jacob Marley,” Devin replied absently, “Why-” Devin saw Marta about to say something, “All right, all right!” she took a breath, “You said the machine likes company. I am assuming counsellors came here to interact with it, to learn from it. Counsellor Nome has been here before, possibly many times.”

Faux Marta nodded, “Not bad. What else?”

“Nome wanted me to speak to you.”

“There's that brain.”

“But why here? Why this way? Nome could have simply made a facsimile on the holodeck.”

Faux Marta laughed, “Oh, please. A Starfleet computer could have created an exact physical representation of Marta Wallan, and it could have guessed at what she was like by distilling everything she ever wrote, took into account every psyche evaluation. But a computer cannot know a person, not really. A computer cannot capture all those complexities, cannot know a person here,” she gently tapped the side of her head with a pair of fingers, “Or here,” those fingers gently touched her chest.

“But this artificial intelligence can,” Devin replied.

“As much as anything could,” Faux Marta replied, “Taken from your own thoughts.” she stared out across the meadow, “No one knew me better than you did. My own mother did not understand me. But you?” she smiled, “You made me who I was.”

“I got you killed.”

“I could have said 'no', you know,” Marta replied as she turned back to Devin, “I could have kept on with my new career as a counselor. But you saw something everyone at Starfleet missed. You remember what you said to me, the day we watched the first Lionheart being towed away to be used as target practice. You said you saw greatness in me. That you believed I could command my own ship one day. You inspired me.”

“If you had not listened to me you would have remained a counselor-”

“And I would have been miserable,” Marta replied, “We saved the Federation. You took a chance, you made me your executive officer and we were an amazing team. Once I had a taste of that how could I have been anything else?”

“You are just telling me what I want to hear,” Devin replied sullenly, “You are trying to just make me feel better.”

“Have I ever lied to you?” Marta inquired gently.

Devin scowled, “Yes. Once.”

“Ah. And how did that make you feel?”

Devin grabbed the cane and lurched to her feet, “I do not want to do this.”

“Do what?” Marta asked as she smoothly rose. She stood taller than Devin, possessed a willowy grace, “Go on. I am as Marta Wallan as one could be without being Marta Wallan. I lied to you. How did that make you feel?”

“I don't-”

“Tell me how I made you feel, Captain. That last day, you went off to take your counterpart's place, you were found out and Sunbear saved you, you stole the shuttle. You were coming back to the ship. Only I wasn't there, was I? I was on Cour de Lion, a phaser pointed at their warp core, the force field disabled. How-”

“You lied!” Devin cried, “You did not tell me that was part of your plan! You were supposed to come up with a strategy to out-think my evil counterpart and you-”

“I did exactly that,” Marta replied gently.

“But you weren't supposed to get yourself killed! I put you on this path, I convinced you to change careers! You died and it was my fault and I, I, I loved you! I loved you and I never told you I loved you and I killed the most important person in my life and, and, and...”

Marta's hands flashed out and caught Devin as she stumbled back, she sank to the ground with Devin and held her as she sobbed. Devin just...let it happen, she howled like a wounded beast as Marta's arms wrapped around her. She had no idea how long they lay like that, Marta gently stroking her hair.

“You know why I lied to you,” Marta finally murmured, “You know I had to. If I had told you my plans you would have stopped me. You told me a good captain had to be coldly pragmatic but I knew how much you loved me. You never said it but I knew. And I knew you could not let me go. You remember the last words I said to you, over the comm.”

Devin sniffed, “You said 'There was so much left unsaid between us, that you found the words inadequate to describe how you felt, and that...” Devin sighed, “And then you died. I assumed someone on Cour de Lion made their move, you had to fire your phaser. You were never able to tell me you loved me.”

“But you knew I loved you,” Marta murmured, “And I loved Lionheart's crew. It was a privilege to die to save you. I was your creation, Devin Hadenbeer. Celebrate whom I became. Mourn my loss but also cherish what we had. Feel guilt but also feel pride.”

“You would have been an amazing Captain,” Devin murmured, starting into those deep, dark eyes.

“Yes,” Marta replied with a grin, “I would have. With you as my instructor how could I have been anything less than awesome?”

Devin smiled at that. She let her eyes close and she surrendered as sleep overwhelmed her exhausted mind and body. When she awoke it was well into the night and she was alone. She felt stiff from laying on the ground for hours, but also...clear headed. It was possibly the first full eight or so hours of sleep she had enjoyed in...months. She levered herself back to her feet and tapped the comm badge. It was time to leave.

Counsellor Nome was seated in the runabout's command chair as Devin beamed aboard, his expression was sober as he regarded her.

“Bastard,” she noted, but without much heat, “You could have w-”

“If I had warned you,” Nome replied, “It would not have worked,” he cocked his head, “Did it work?”

Devin stood there, silent for a time, then:

“I hated her,” she finally said, “I hated her for lying to me. It felt like she had...betrayed me. I was so convinced if she had confided in me, we could have come up with another plan, that it did not have to...”

Devin let out a long sigh, “But she was right. In the end she was absolutely right. Tactically it was a flawless plan. It just...called for her to sacrifice herself. She knew at that point I could not ask her to do it. It would never have occurred to me and she knew it. No one knew me as well as she did.”

“It's okay to hate her a little bit,” Nome noted as Devin sank into the seat next to his, “Relationships are messy things. How are you feeling?”

Devin took a breath, “I feel...” her hand strayed to her belly, “...hungry.” gods, when was the last time she felt truly hungry like this? Her guts had felt like they had been tied in knots, she had not had an appetite in...she could not recall when. “I feel famished, to be perfectly honest.”

Nome nodded in obvious satisfaction, “Raid the replicator. I am going to take you home; I think it is safe now to unleash you on your family, Captain. I will check in on you in a week or so. If it seems you have not relapsed into a self loathing mass of misery I might clear you for active duty. Provided!” he held up a finger, “You check in periodically and we talk. And I do mean talk. No more sullen silences. You engage with me, we dialogue. Understand?”

“Yes, Counsellor,” Devin murmured, feeling uncommonly abashed.

As the runabout broke orbit from the planet Devin asked, “Have you ever done this before? Bring a patient to this planet?”

“No,” Nome replied absently as he prepped the runabout's warp drive, “The fact is, I had no idea whether or not this would work,” he glanced at Devin and he smiled slightly, “But you are the worst patient I ever had and I was desperate...”

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